Learning to Parent Through My Own Struggles

One of the hardest things I’ve had to work through as a parent is understanding why I am the way I am.

I can be short-tempered. I struggle with self-loathing and self-destructive tendencies. There have been times when I’ve felt like the lowest man on the totem pole. And as a dad, a lot of these feelings have spilled over into fatherhood.

There were moments I felt like the worst dad in the world—losing my cool with my little guys and then spending a week beating myself up over it. One of our sons, now that he’s older, we’ve realized is dealing with autism. When he was younger, I could never quite work through things with him. I was quick to correct, slow to listen, and often expected perfection that was impossible for him to live up to.

But as I’ve started recognizing my own struggles with ADHD and working through my own issues, I’ve realized that I can still grow. Even now, as he’s become an adult, I’m learning how to be a better father to him.

Right now, our biggest challenge? Teaching him to drive.

Holy cow—he almost killed us the other day. I lost it for a second, but in those moments, I’ve had to remind myself to take a deep breath, be mindful of where we are in life, and refocus.

Here’s what happened: We were driving through town, and I needed to stop at the bank. I told him, “Drive to the next road, merge to the center lane, and turn left.” What I didn’t say was, “Merge to the center lane and stop at the road past the closed driveway with the chain up.”

So, naturally, he slowed down, turned into the chained-off driveway—without stopping to check for traffic first. I yelled. He slammed on the brakes. And we stopped two feet from the chain.

His first thought? “I’m done driving.”
My first thought? “That could have been bad.”

I stopped, took a deep breath, and said, “Stay in the truck, turn around, and let’s try this again.”

The old me would have yelled at him to get out and sworn never to let him drive again. But today, I’m learning. I’m working on breaking the cycle, on giving him the grace I wish I had given him when he was younger.

Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth. And some lessons, like learning to drive, are best learned one near-disaster at a time.